Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
