I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
