Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
