I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so let's talk penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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