I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
