It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
