Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
