he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
