that's an acceptable place to lick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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