i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
