You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
