i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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