you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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