Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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