Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
