if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
