I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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