yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
