Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
