also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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