youre lurking in front of me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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