found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think my moral compass just broke
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
