I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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