In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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