please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
