Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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