I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
