somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
