Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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