from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
