You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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