Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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