I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
