OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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