please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
