My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize