You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
