ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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