Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
