It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
