uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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