ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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