He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
