this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They took my balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
