do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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