haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
