If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
