i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
