just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
