cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
