you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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