Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
