Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
