i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
