youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
