should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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