You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
